I Shelter in place, self isolation, quarantine life whatever you want to call it, it's the same thing now how do you deal with it? Think about it the way you're struggling so are the kids, their whole lives have been disturbed and they may no even be able to verbalize it so basically they may act up behaviorally and emotionally give them a break. Now with that said, how do you co-exist together with the kids screaming and fighting with one another while keeping the house calm and quiet? Well that's hard so lets dissect the situation, if you remain calm the kids will pick up your energy and do the same. This is the time to put on a brave face and be more of a counselor with your kids.
Let's start with sibling fights, now the kids are scared and confused and this may increase the fights. 1. Make the kids do chores together as a team this will help (laundry, cleaning up the table, taking out trash) once they do this then give them a reward (ice cream, more TV time ETC). 2. Take their privileges away when they act up and let them earn it back, they'll realize they have no choice but to get along. Or work for a common goal, if they get along they can earn movie night towards the end ETC. 3.) Joint activities, this works for my kids, make the kids draw a picture of one another and write something nice about one another. You'll be surprised this actually helps kids realize the nice things the kids have to say about one another. 4.) Make a designated area for the kids, maybe a corner, a bench, when their fights get crazy make the kids sit on it together and have them write or if they cant write, talk about their feelings and what they did wrong, verbalize those emotions! 5.) Also, sometimes if there are dumb, petty issues don't even get involved and let them sort it out themselves. Sometimes jumping in a conflict every time the kids get so accustom to it they don't know how to problem solve themselves. 6.) Also, if you need some alone time even for a few minutes, while the kids are busy listen to your music, watch your TV this will give you a sense of control. Also, if you find your kids overstepping their boundaries with you and your space just explain it nicely, "Mom needs some time to herself, can you please give me a few minutes then I'll be right with you." 7.) Screen time - Okay no matter how much crafts, board games, cards, chores, cooking, playing games outside ETC you do at home with the kids you will run out of things to do, it is a fact so when you reach that point when kids are getting frustrated and you're getting overwhelmed dammit it's screen time!!! Now it's still important to monitor what they are doing on the computer, iPad and watching on TV. When you're having a dilemma about it, ask yourself will screen time be more beneficial for this particular moment and situation and if the answer is YES go for it. After all, we can't be Bozo the Clown all day to the kids and entertain them, we do need some time to get housework, work ETC done so it is what it is. 8.) Now this situation can also be a blessing in disguise, now you do have some more time with ours kids, this is the time to teach them some skills you'd like teach them or they wanted to learn, or brush up on their skills that need some extra help, get more spiritual, develop good habits (read more books, coloring, painting, teach them to clean up their room). For example, I taught my daughter some basic cooking skills and she's happily learning. Embrace it, I know it's hard, think day by day. And, if you need a breather step out to another part of the house gather your thoughts and get it together it's not easy but YOU GOT THIS. 9.) Distant learning - this has been very difficult for me personally because it all varies at the discretion of your local district and teacher, so it can be easy school work or a lot that requires a lot of parental supervision. If you feel like the load is too much or too little, don't be afraid of voicing your opinion, the teachers are learning as they get along, feedback is very important to them. Also, it's important to have the kids take their schoolwork seriously, starts with brushing their teeth, full breakfast, changing their clothes, homework in their pajamas won't really set them in the school mindset! Also, its important to have that talk with the kids that distant learning is SCHOOL now onwards so take it seriously. It's hard to teach the kids at home so allow more breaks, patience, and if you feel like it's overwhelming for the child and yourself you know what just STOP and resume later. I think we should be getting paid the salaries of teachers, not easy to teach at home while juggling work, cooking, cleaning and household duties ETC.
0 Comments
COVID-19 has impacted EVERYONE both directly and indirectly in the world, there isn't a single person that hasn't suffered in some way. It is truly important self-care is imperative in dealing with this, self-care means taking care of yourself as well. So how do you take time to do this while you're stuck with kids and your significant other at home?
1.) Check your emotions- recognize how you're feeling and acknowledge them, are you feeling sad, depressed, overwhelmed, bored, or lazy etc? Once you recognize your negative emotion(s) PAUSE and see how you can turn that negative into a positive. Boredom- turn it into a productive activity, read a book, start a craft, organize the pantry, stuff you never got to do now is the time to get it done! Any skill you always wanted to learn this is the time to learn it! Lazy- go take a walk if possible, go exercise there so many in home exercise videos on YouTube now, yoga etc. Sad and depressed- do something that makes you happy, honestly it could be anything, listening to your favorite playlist, watching your favorite show on Netflix, make your favorite kind of foods, talk/FaceTime to you friends and family. Overwhelmed- it's okay to feel this way, as moms we have to play multiple roles now, work, teacher, mom, chef, cleaner, nanny, counselor, mediator etc that's not easy. Take sometime out for yourself to do what YOU want to do, this will shift your negative emotions and give you a sense of power and control. For instance, if you're too tired to cook because of your workload look into take out or delivery, lessen your load and support your local businesses it's a win win situation. These are just a few ideas, the point is, this isn't a time to dismiss your feelings and concerns you have. Also, I'm a firm believer in, if you look good, you feel good, take care of your appearance as well. Just because you're at home doesn't mean you should look like a slob! Wake up every morning and get ready like you typically would as if you're going out to work. Take care of your personal hygiene ladies, if you can't get a facial, manicure, pedicure anymore learn how to do it at home! Maintenance is important. 2.) Reach out to others it's important to keep and establish connection with other human beings, truth is, you will get sick and tired of the people you live with and they will get on your nerves LOL. Try Zoom, if you'd like to video chat with multiple people at a time, social media, what's app, etc. Also, its important to check up on the elderly or people that are in the COVID hot spots right now, you don't want to have any regrets if something happens to them. Keep up with everyone because globally everyone is going through the same issue, it'll be easier to relate to people and have a conversation with them. 3.) If you feel, like you need some professional help, I would highly recommend seeking therapy via TeleHealth, it's worth the time and money. A professional counselor can help you overcome some feelings and emotions you might have. Look into openpathcollective.org this is for people that may have a hard time paying for counseling, if you qualify you can seek therapy for a discounted rate. 4.) Also, if you feel like you're about to snap or lose it, remove yourself from the situation and take a few deep breaths and keep your mouth shut, take sometime to calm down. Also, this isn't the time to nitpick everything and talk about toxic topics, be mindful of what you say to your significant other. Everyone's emotions are running high right now, people are losing jobs, experiencing loss of business, losing loved ones because of COVID etc. Stay in your lane people, respect others feelings and emotions and think before you act and speak. 5.) Tag team with your significant other in juggling some personal time. Handling the kids, work and housework is hard but communication is KEY these days. If you need some personal time, be sure to tell your significant other and vice versa. Being stuck 24/7 is going to cause problems, so it's okay to break the groups off. Meaning, some time should be kids only time, mother and kids, dad and kids, mom time without the kids, dad time without the kids present and some couple time. Every family dynamic is different, so work with yours and remember it's not healthy to have the kids stuck to you all day also. They need to understand that and be able to play and handle matters independently, obviously age matters in this, if you need to get stuff done around the house establish boundaries with the kids. Hope this helps! Good luck, would love some feedback and comments. As we start 2019 everyone probably has some goals that you would like to start right ? A good way to come up with goals is reflect how the previous year went and what were some achievements and some negative events. Focus on the failures and see how you can make it better and solve the issue. Let me cite an example, if you feel like it’s hard for you to balance your life between being a mom and work or going to school develop a plan to fix that problem. These are the most common goals I’ve heard from moms and possible solutions: 1. “ I don’t get enough time with my spouse” Let’s be real, it’s hard to spend some alone time with kids but you don’t want to have that relationship where’s it’s all about the kids. It’s important to focus on your relationship with your spouse that only makes your bond stronger. But, how ? Plan in advance with a babysitter and work out the logistics in advance don’t be lazy about planning the date or you’ll get used to it. Also, date night doesn’t necessarily have to be a nice dinner and a movie it’s not what you’re doing it’s the fact you’re doing it together. Don’t have much time? Grab some coffee, go for a walk, go for a hike, watch a show you both like together etc. Some time is better than no time and kids also need to understand it’s not always about them it’s about the parents as well! 2. “I need to get fit and go on a diet! Yes, what you eat is a personal choice if you eat junk food and expect to look like a super model that’s not happening. Make good, conscious decisions about what you’re eating and develop a meal plan if that’s what it takes. Eliminate all the junk food you have, if it’s not there you won’t eat it ! Engage in some form of exercise and eating healthy will cause faster results. Make yourself accountable for what you’re eating and develop a exercise routine that works for you (hiking, running, biking, gym, pilates etc. 3.) “I don’t have enough time to cook” Okay in this day and age take advantage of kitchen appliances that expedite the prepping and cooking work. For example buy a pressure cooker, slow cooker, Instapot, air fryer these reduce your cooking time a lot. Also, prepare meals on weekend if time permits and freeze and label! Also, you can even cut vegetables in advance place in ziplocks and freeze. Make food that’s more time consuming on the weekends and easier food on the weekdays. These are a few examples, don't be too hard on yourself but do realize that you have to work hard towards your goals it wont be handed to you on a silver platter. Set goals that are realistic and practical with your schedule and life. embracing our kidsEvery now and then we get frustrated and upset with our kids over very small things and strive for them to be perfect. However. this article is to help us embrace our kids shortcomings and flaws and embrace them for who they are. When are children were popped into this world they came with their own personalities and genes that's where we have to recognize that if our kids are a little different from us its okay and instead of getting upset and frustrated with their personality differences learn to recognize and accept them. As a parent you can't expect your kids to be exactly like the way you want them to be, they can't be little cookie cutter or cloned versions of you. If that happened that might be a little scary haha ! If you have a child that has different personality traits from yours, learn to acknowledge and accept it.
My children are just 8 and 5, I love the fact they are a combination of my genes my husband's genes and product of their environment. Instead, of taking a child's personality trait as a negative (socially awkward, shy, not friendly, too quiet) learn to accept them for who they are and every trait from your perspective that might be negative, isn't really that bad after all. At the end, you have to accept them as tiny human beings that have a unique set of traits that were given. If your child has any shortcomings in your opinion, take that trait and look at the positive side of it, having a child lets say that's shy right now doesn’t necessarily mean they will always be like that, some kids go through personality changes as well. As parents, once you realize you're spending all the time trying to control your child into being what you want them to be you'll miss out on moments that make them truly unique. Hug and kiss your kids and remember they came into this world as unique individuals that may be different from us or a reflection of us, regardless let’s embrace and love and control and criticize less. Yes, summer vacation will soon be over and then back to the grind! These are some tips that may help you getting back to the school mode again for the kids and moms LOL. If you have received a school supply list already, good idea to get started early because waiting last minute can mean some supplies running out and the ugly stuff is left. Also keep the receipts, in case you end up buying the wrong items so it’s easier to exchange or refund later. Get the kids involved and excited for school again by turning the shopping into a scavenger hunt or divide the list up and whoever gets those items in the cart wins. Again silly ways to get kids excited about school and also let the kids pick their own supplies (color and style of the items). Start shifting their bedtime slowly back to school schedule so it’s easier to adjust when school starts. Be organized! Have different lists of all the items you will need: school supplies, kid’s clothes, food items required for lunch etc. Before you buy anything, go through your existing stuff already. Check the closet and look for clothes and shoes that don’t fit anymore, socks that have lost pairs etc. Check school supplies from last year that can be used again (scissors, pencil boxes, lunch boxes, backpacks) if in good condition just re-use. Great time to donate your kids old clothes and even toys to charity, clear out the closet and replenish with new stuff for the new school year. Make sure you have clothes that are comfortable and appropriate for school, check for basics, underwear, socks, leggings, tank tops, play shorts etc. Shoes are closed toe and comfortable for PE etc Get a haircut a week or ten days before so you don’t have to wait at the salon/ barber shop and also it starts shifting the kids in the school preparation mode. Plus you want the kids to look cute and ready for the new school year! Workbooks- this is very important to make sure the kids remember the concepts they learn so they won’t be blank by the time school starts. So increase the workbook time a little bit, if you spent 30 minutes a day go to 45-60 minutes a day to place academics in place Make sure your kids have updated health records at school such as vaccinations and if you have kids that will require medication to be administered at school, make sure you get the proper medication and paperwork signed off by your doctors and submitted to the health office If you're child has an allergy (nuts, bees, milk etc) as soon as you find out the name of the teacher, out of courtesy just email the teacher in advance, the health office transfers the information anyways but its more direct and personal so the teacher knows the situation in advance and for kids with nut allergy, other students can be notified in advance. Place money or update account for kid's lunches (if applicable) in advance, so the kids are ready to go. Start figuring out the designated person (if not you) for pick up and drop offs, carpooling logistics with other parents if applicable If you get the kids excited about going back to school it will make the transition really easy, so make it fun and get them involved in the preparation. |